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 תקציר הפרק הקודם: דבריו של צחי בנוגע למגרעותיו גורמים לגדי לחלום בלהות על יפן.

 

 

"אתה משוכנע שזה רעיון טוב?" שאלה טסה ולגמה מספל הקפה שהכנתי עבורה. היא בחנה אותי בחיוך מתגרה, מרפקיה נחים על שולחן האוכל. פיהקתי ונשענתי לאחור, שוקע אל מסעד כסא העץ ומביט ברצפה. אור השמש בקע דרך החלון הרחב שבמטבחה של אבהטי, בוהק מסמא שהכאיב לעיני האדומות מחוסר שינה.

"פונה תחרפן אותך!" הזהירה.

"אם תחרפן נמשיך לגואה," עניתי בקול משכנע לא פחות. "בכל מקרה אני לא מתכנן להישאר כאן יותר מכמה ימים."

"כמה ימים? אבל אתה מתכוון להפוך לחבר באשראם!"

"רק בשביל להתאמן בדוג'ו שלהם. צחי אמר שיש להם מזרן מצויין."

"אתה תצא מדעתך," התגלגלה מצחוק. "תחשוב על זה לרגע. אם המקום הצליח להפוך מצ'ואיסט מחוספס כמו צחי ליצור המצחקק מכל שטות, עדין על גבול הנשיות ומלהג ללא הרף על אנרגיות, מה הוא עלול לעשות לשכמותך?"

"תצחקי, תצחקי! חוסר האמונה שלך עובר כל גבול."

"שום חוסר אמונה, אני פשוט מכירה אותך."

"את לא מכירה דבר."

"מכירה מספיק בשביל להתערב שלא תהפוך לחבר באשראם. אין מצב שתצליח לסבול אותם לאורך זמן."

"נתערב על כל סכום שתנקבי!"

"חבל עליך, לא ישאר לך דבר."

האמת שהייתי מופתע ומרוצה מתגובתה המשועשעת. התכוננתי למתקפת מחץ, לנאומי חרון ממושכים, לאיומים ולנזיפה ארוכה ומייגעת על החלטתי להישאר מבלי להתייעץ עימה. התערבות כספית פירושה שיצאתי בזול מהעניין. נקבתי בסכום סמלי ונשמתי לרווחה כשהיא הסכימה ללא הנד עפעף.

"זה הולך להיות משעשע," סיכמה. רטנתי בתגובה, משתדל להראות זועף כמיטב יכולתי, מנסה למסך את השמחה שמילאה את לבבי ולהתמקד בנדבך האחרון של התכנית.

"מה עכשיו?" שאלה לאחר שזיהתה את הבעת המצוקה שעל פני. "אתה אמור להיות מרוצה מעצמך. מה אתה נראה מודאג?"

"כי פתאום שאלתי את עצמי מה את תעשי אם נשאר," נאנחתי. "אני לא רוצה שתשתעממי או תשתגעי בגללי."

"אני אהיה בסדר."

"אבל מה תעשי?"

"אצייר, אקרא ואחכה לכסף שלך. אל תדאג לי אלא לעצמך. אתה הוא זה שהולך להשתגע."

"ציור?" שאלה אבהטי שנכנסה באותה השניה אל המטבח. בידה אחזה סל עמוס לעייפה במצרכים. "מצאת מורה לציור?"

"לא, לא מצאתי."

"ואתה," פנתה אליי בחדות. "ממה בדיוק אתה הולך להשתגע?"

"מההחלטה להישאר בפונה עוד כמה ימים," עניתי, נזהר מלספר שבכוונתי להצטרף לאשראם. פניה אורו לשמע החדשות.

"מצויין," חייכה בפה פעור לרווחה. היא בהתה בי ממושכות, הצלקת שעל לחייה מאדימה, הבעת פניה מטילה עלי אימה. "אל תדאג, "ציחקקה. "אצל אבהטי אף אחד לא משתגע. הבית של אבהטי הוא מקום לנפוש ולהרגע."

 *

 צחי העניק לי חיבוק הגון כששמע שברצוני להצטרף לאשראם. עמדתי קפוא בזרועותיו, מחייך בהתנצלות אל קבוצת הגברים ההודים שעמדו במרחק קצר מאיתנו בגן הציבורי ובהו בנו בסקרנות.


"הצטרפות לאשראם היא החלטה מצויינת עליה לא תתחרט לעולם," הבטיח צחי בנחישות. "אבל מה עם טסה? גם היא מצטרפת?"

"לצערי אין סיכוי. היא לא בעניין."

"חבל, היא מפסידה הזדמנות אדירה."

"אל תדאג לה. היא תסתדר."

"טוב, בסדר," נאנח. "מתי תרצה לגשת לשם ולהתחיל בתהליך?"

"תהליך?" קימטתי את מצחי.

"בדיקת איידס, ראיון קבלה וכמובן – טקס הקבלה."

"נשמע מורכב. כמה זמן עד שנוכל להתחיל להשתמש בדוג'ו?"

"מספר ימים, מקסימום שבוע. זאת הסיבה שכדאי להתחיל בתהליך במהרה."

"אחרי האימון?"

"מצויין."

קדתי אליו והוא חייך וקד בחזרה. התנועה הקלה גרמה למצחי להתכסות בזיעה. החום בגן הציבורי היה על גבול הבלתי נסבל למרות שהשעה היתה רק תשע בבוקר ולמרות שעמדנו חוסים בצילו של עץ רחב. התחלנו את האימון בחזרה על קאטאת הטאיי צ'י ועל תנועות הבסיס של האייקידו. כשסיימנו, ביקש צחי שאבהיר למענו את הרעיון העומד מאחורי החבטות והאחיזות של אומנות האייקידו.


"אני לא מבין מאיפה הגיעו המתקפות ההזויות האלו," אמר. "מי בכלל מתקיף בצורה כל כך לא הגיונית?"

"אני לא יורד לסוף דעתך."

"תראה, מהנסיון שלי, אנשים היוצאים במתקפה משמתמשים בדרך כלל באגרופים ובעיטות ולא בחבטות כף יד פתוחה."

"יש באייקידו שומן טצקי," הערתי.

"שהוא אגרוף ישר, קדמי ועם תנועת גוף מאורכת ומוגזמת – לא הגיונית בעליל. אבל עזוב את זה לשניה. מה שהכי משגע אותי זה אחיזות שורש כף היד. אני יכול להבין אחיזות כתפיים, צוואר, חביקות גוף ורגליים, אבל למה מפרקי ידיים ועוד בצורה מתמסרת?"

"מתמסרת?"

"אני מתכוון לכך שהמורים בדוג'ו תמיד נזפו בי כשאחזתי את יריב האימונים בעדינות – בצורה בלתי מתחייבת. הם דרשו שאלפות את מפרקי הידיים כאילו חיי תלויים בדבר."

"ואף פעם לא טרחת לשאול אותם לפשר הדבר?"

"שאלתי וקיבלתי את אותה התשובה שקיבלתי כאן מהמדריך באשראם. כולם כאחד טענו שאחיזת מפרקי הידיים היא לא מתקפה אמיתית אלא רק דרך נוחה ובטוחה לתרגול מתקפות מציאותיות יותר. הם טענו שהעקרונות הטכניים זהים לחלוטין."

"ומה אתה חושב?" שאלתי. מתי גיחך.

"לי נראה שאם העקרון זהה הרי שעדיף לתרגל את המתקפות המציאותיות ולהמנע ממתקפות הזויות כמו אחיזות מפרקי הידיים."

"מסכים לחלוטין," הנהנתי. "אני דוגל באותה הגישה."

"אז גם אתה חושב שמתקפות של מפרקי הידיים הן הזויות?"

"ממש לא."

החיוך נעלם מפניו. הוא בחן אותי רגע ארוך לפני שפצה את פיו.

"אז מה אתה אומר בעצם?" אמר לבסוף.

"שההזייה היא לא בטכניקה אלא בהסבר שלה. חכה רק רגע."

קדתי לעברו והתחלתי להתרוצץ לאורכו ולרוחבו של הגן הציבורי, עיני נעוצות ברצפה.

"מה אתה מחפש?" קרא. התעלמתי משאלתו, שקוע כולי בסריקה. לאחר מספר שניות מצאתי את מבוקשי. חזרתי אליו בזריזות, ידיי נחבאות מאחורי גבי, מחייך למראה גביניו המכווצים.

"מה יש לך ביד?" שאל בחשדנות.

"סכין!" קראתי ושלחתי את ידי קדימה בתנועת נעיצה. אינסטינקט הלוחם של צחי לא אכזב. הוא הסיט את היד בחבטה זריזה וכבר בנעיצה השניה השתלט על המתקפה, ידו הימנית לופתת כמלחציים את שורש כף היד, אגרופו השמאלי מתרסק על הזרוע שהרמתי מבעוד מועד להגנה על פני.

"מקל של ארטיק?" קרא לאחר שזיהה את החפץ שאחזתי. "מה אתה דפוק? כמעט ושברתי לך את האף בגלל מקל של ארטיק?"

"זה לא משנה. העובדה שחשבת שזה סכין ושהגבת בהתאם זה העיקר. עכשיו, אם לא אכפת לך, אולי תשחרר לי את היד? עוד שניה והיא נשברת."

צחי בהה במקל לשניה נוספת לפני שהרפה מידי. חיככתי את האיבר הדואב בעודו עומד מהורהר.

"אז מה היה לנו פה?" שאלתי לאחר שתיקה ממושכת.

"הוכחה לכך שאחיזות מפרקי כף היד הן לא מתקפות הזויות במצבים בהם היריב חמוש בסכין?"

"לא רק סכין אלא רוב סוגי כלי הנשק. זה יכול להיות אקדח, חרב, רובה, לא משנה, מה שחשוב זה לזכור שאחיזת מפרקי כף היד היא אחת הדרכים הטובות ביותר למנוע מהיריב להשתמש בנשקו."

עברתי להסבר נרחב של הנושא, מזכיר לצחי כי טכניקות האייקידו מתבססות על תורת הקרב של הסמוראים, לוחמים שמסיבות מסורתית ותרבותית היו סייפים החמושים בשתי חרבות וסכין.

"זאת הסיבה שהחבטות באייקידו מתחלקות לשני סוגים – איבחה של יד פתוחה, כמכות החיתוך של הלהב, או הסוג השני – אגרופים ישירים המדמים מתקפה מתפרצת, כתנועת הדקירה של החרב או הסכין."

"אז רוב הטכניקות באייקידו נעשות בתגובה להתקפת כלי נשק או כשמנסים למנוע מאיתנו את השימוש בנשק?"

"בדיוק."

"אבל אם הכל מתקשר לנשק אז למה לא מבצעים את הטכניקות עם נשק? מה הרעיון של לבצע טכניקות העונות למצבים הקשורים בסייף מבלי להתמקצע לפני הכל בסיוף?"

"בעיקר ממניעים היסטוריים. אפשר לפתח על כך דיון מעמיק אבל אסתפק בלהזכיר את שתי הסיבות המרכזיות: ראשית, ביטולו של מעמד הסמוראים בסוף המאה התשע עשרה והאיסור על נשיאת נשק ברחובות, מעשה שקיבל חותמת סופית כשהאמריקאים, לאחר כיבוש יפן במלחמת העולם השניה, גם אסרו על כל אימון בחרבות. שנית, אואשיבה, ממציא האייקידו, שהפריד בין הנשק לטכניקה מכיוון שרצה להדגיש את הפן הרוחני-פילוסופי של תורתו ולעדן את הצד הלוחמני שלה. כמו שאמרתי," חייכתי וטפחתי על שכמו. "ההזייה במתקפות האייקידו היא בהסבר השגוי מאחוריהן ולא בטכניקה."

צחי הנהן אבל לא חייך בחזרה. פניו האדימו, ידיו מתאגרפות ועיניו מצטמצמות לסדקים מזרי אימה.

"הכל בסדר?" שאלתי בחשש בעודו פוסע הלוך ושוב לאורך רחבת הגן. "צחי?"

הוא עצר, בחן אותי לרגע ואז מיהר להתייצב למולי.

"אני לא רוצה לכעוס אבל מה שאמרת הוציא אותי מדעתי."

"רק אמרתי את האמת."

"זה בדיוק מה שמחריד בדבריך. אתה לא מבין? אם אתה דובר אמת הרי זה אומר שהוליכו אותי שולל כל השנים."

"אתה יכול לראות את זה כך," נאנחתי. "אך להערכתי תהיה זאת טעות מהותית."

"מדוע?"

"מכיוון שבכדי לשקר צריך לדעת קודם כל את האמת – והאמת, כפי שהזכרתי, מסתתרת בנבכי מסורת שנעלמה כבר לפני יותר ממאה שנים."

ההבעה המתוחה נשארה על פניו כששלח את ידו ואסף את המקל מידי. הוא בחן אותו בעיון, מרחרח, מחייך ומגחך לעצמו.

"הוארתי!" קרא ופרץ בצחוק מתגלגל. "והכל בזכות מקל של ארטיק לימון."

 *

בדרכנו לאשראם, התעניין צחי בסיבה שבעקבותיה החלטתי להצטרף אל חוג מאמיניו של אושו.

"כנראה שדבריך בנוגע לחשדנות וחוסר אחריות היכו בנקודה רגישה במיוחד," אמרתי ועברתי לספר על חלום הבלהות שחוויתי. צחי לא עצר את שטף דיבורי גם כשעברתי לדבר על מערכת יחסי עם מיקה, על איך שגרמה לי להאמין כי גלומות בי יכולות ריפוי מופלאות ועל הסוף האומלל של האדון אישיזאו'וה וקייקו.

"רוצה לשבת ולהרגע?" שאל צחי כשסיימתי. רק אז שמתי לב שכל גופי רועד בסערת רגשותי העזים.


"מצטער," אמרתי כשלחיי סמוקות. "לא יודע מה עובר עליי."

"אל דאגה. פונה לא פוסחת על אף אחד."

"לא פוסחת זאת הגדרה מעודנת – פונה נחתה לי ישר על היבלות"

"וכולי תקווה שתאפשר לה לרפא אותן ולא רק להכאיב."

"לאפשר לה?" הרמתי גבותי. "למה אתה מתכוון?"

"להצביע על הבעיות, כמו שאתה יודע, זה החלק הפשוט במשוואה. פתרונן הוא כבר עניין אחר לגמרי."

"במקרה שלי זה לא יהיה כל כך מסובך," גיחכתי במירמור. "כל שצריך זה זוג מספריים טובים בשביל לחתוך את החוטים."

"חוטי המריונטה מהחלום?"

"בדיוק."

"החוטים שלך או שלה?" שאל בחיוך. מילותיו היכו בי כמו מוט ברזל מלובן – צורבות, מכאיבות ומרתיחות את הדם.

"החוטים שלה?" שאלתי. "להזכירך, מיקה היתה זו שהשתמשה בי כבמריונטה ולא להיפך. היא הבוגרת והמנוסה, זו שלקחה קורבן צעיר ותמים ועיצבה ממנו את המאסטר שחפצה. בונה אותי, מטפחת אותי, ממלאה את ראשי באמונות טפלות ואז זורקת אותי למים עמוקים וסוערים ללא גלגלי הצלה."

"מסכים עם דבריך אבל אתה חייב גם להסכים איתי שהיא מעולם לא הכריחה אותך לעשות דבר. יכולת לקום בכל רגע ולעזוב. היית מודע למה שקורה ובכל זאת נתת לזה לקרות, אפילו רצית שזה יקרה. ובוא לא נשכח את העובדה שהרווחת כסף מצויין מהטיפולים שהענקת. אתה אולי היית כמריונטה בידיה אבל רצוי שתראה שעצימת עיניים מתוך נוחות או אף מתוך רצון להאמין עלולה לכבול את הצד השני לא פחות."

מילותיו העבירו אותי על דעתי. רציתי לפלוט כמה קללות, לחבוט בו, להסתובב על עקבי ולעזוב את המקום. אבל למרות הזעם שחשתי לא יכולתי להתכחש לאמיתות ששטח בפני. שרציתי שישטח בפני…

"אז מה אתה אומר בעצם?" גנחתי.

"שלהאשים את מיקה בחולשותיך זו אותה חוסר אחריות שדיברנו עליה אמש – מהלך לא הוגן בעליל."

"לא הוגן?"

"כמובן! הרי להאשים את מיקה זה בדיוק כמו להאשים את מדריכי האייקידו בכך שהם בוחרים לרמות את התלמידים. זוכר מה הערת לי על כך לפני מספר רגעים?"

"שבכדי לשקר צריך קודם כל לדעת את האמת," לחשתי.

"בדיוק, והאמת, במקרה הזה, מסתתרת בנבכי ההיסטוריה האישית והייחודית שלכם."

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