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תקציר הפרק הקודם: פגישה עם פיצי מחדדת לגדי את התחושה שההגעה לפונה היתה טעות גדולה

 

לקחתי נשימה עמוקה והתרווחתי על המזרן, חזיון המאזניים מתרחק ומתמוסס לאיטו. הרמתי את הרגליים והנחתי אותן על ערמת הספרים שבקצה המיטה, הידיים שלובות מאחורי הראש, המבט אל התקרה, נינוח כעקרת בית שזה עתה סיימה לנקות ולסדר את הבית.

תחושת השלמה מילאה אותי, נעימה, חמימה ומלווה בבהירות מחשבה יוצאת דופן, בראייה כוללת של כל רכיבי ההחלטה אליה הגעתי. היתה זו ידיעה אובייקטיבית, כמעט קלינית, כשל מדען המתבונן באינפורמציה שעל דף נייר הפרוש לנגד עיניו.

המסקנה שהאייקידו הפך לסיבה העיקרית להשארותי בפונה אומנם נחתה עלי במפתיע אך גם הפכה את כבדות ניתוח המהלכים שלפני למהלך פשוט. כל שנדרשתי לעשות הוא להגיע לשיעור הבוקר, להתאמן ואז להחליט.

*

צעדתי לעבר האשראם כשכולי מקרין חיוביות. הלכתי זקוף, הראש מורם, הכתפיים רפויות, חיוך רחב מותח את השפתיים. השעה היתה שבע בבוקר והנפשות היחידות שנראו ברחוב היו מספר חתולים מזי רעב שנלחמו על שאריות מזון וחבורה קטנה של הודים שעסקו בטאטוא ובפינוי אשפה. המנקים נראו מופתעים למצוא תייר ער מתהלך בשעה כה מוקדמת של הבוקר. נופפתי אליהם בידידות ושניים נופפו בחזרה, השאר בוהים בי בפה פעור כאילו הייתי חייזר.

"איזה כבדים," קראתי ופרצתי בצחוק רועם כשהזעיפו מבטם. "למה ככה? שאנטי, שאנטי, תהנו מהחיים." פצחתי בדילוגים מהירים, ידיי מתוחות לצידי גופי, כמו אוחזות בשולייה של גלימה מתנופפת. מספר פועלים חייכו, היתר הסתפקו בגלגול עיניהם.

צחי חיכה ליד שער הכניסה לאשראם

"בוקר טוב," ברך ונתן לי חיבוק הגון.

"בוקר מצויין," חרחרתי וצחי ניתק את לפיתת הדוב ובחן אותי בחיוך מסוקרן.

"מה אתה זורח?" שאל. "מה קרה?"

"כבר כמעט חצי שנה שלא התאמנתי אייקידו בדוג'ו. אני חם על האימון הזה כמו שלא הייתי חם על אימון כבר הרבה זמן."

צחי נשך את שפתו והנהן לעצמו, ידו מלטפת את סנטרו.

"מה יש?" שאלתי. "מה הרצנת פתאום?"

"אתה מדאיג אותי. אתה נראה נלהב מדי ואין שום דבר מלהיב במיוחד בדוג'ו או בסנסאיי. למען האמת האייקידו שלך הרבה יותר מבושל ומתקדם משלו. אני…"

"די, צחי," קטעתי אותו. "כבר אמרת לי את זה מספיק פעמים. למה לבאס? תבין! כרגע אני פשוט רוצה להתאמן ולא מעניינת אותי איכות השיעור, הרמה של המדריך, או כל דבר אחר. כל מה שאני רוצה היא שעה אחת של אימון בראש קטן, בלי מחשבות נשגבות על תובנות רוחניות, בלי הארות או דיבורים על אנרגיות קוסמיות."

צחי המשיך להנהן ואז פרץ בצחוק פרוע.

"צחי?"

"אני מתנצל," ציחקק. "פשוט הרסת אותי עם נאום הבוקר. בוא ונלך לדוג'ו. מספיק עם האנרגיות השליליות."

"שלא תעז להגיד אנרגיות," הזהרתי והוא שב לצחוק.


עברנו דרך שער הכניסה ופנינו שמאלה, מהלכים בשביל צר שהיה חתום מצד אחד בצמחיה עבותה ובשני במבנים שהסתירו את שאר הקומפלקס הרחב. צחי פסע לפני בצעדים שדחקו את גבולות גלימתו, התנועה חושפת את קרסוליו וסנדליו.

"פה?" שאלתי כשהוא נעצר מול מבנה מאורך ולבן.

"גבירותי ורבותי," הכריז בחגיגיות, ידיו פרושות לצדדים. "הרשו לי להציג בפניכם את הדוג'ו של אושו."

"הללויה," מחאתי כף.

"שניכנס?"

"בהחלט."

"אז קצת רצינות בבקשה."

"אני רציני כמו צרעת," חייכתי אליו.

"מאוד נחמד."

צחי פתח את דלת הכניסה וחיכה שאכנס לפני שסגר את הדלת מאחוריו. האולם היה צנוע בגודלו ובעיצובו, נקי מריהוט מלבד ספסל עץ ארוך שניצב בסמוך לדלת הכניסה. בהיתי בערגה ברצפת המכון שהיתה מכוסה במזרן עם כיסוי איכותי, עיני חולפות על תמונתו של אואשיבה, מייסד האייקידו, שעיטרה את הקיר שמול הפתח ועל חדר ההלבשה הקטן שמשמאל. מספר תלמידים כבר נמצאו בדוג'ו, חלקם מבצעים תרגילי מתיחה על המזרן, אחרים משוחחים בינהם בעודם מחליפים בגדים.

"זה המדריך," צחי הורה בסנטרו לעבר בחור בשנות השלושים לחייו, לבוש בחליפת אימון שעליה חבש הקמה, מכנסי האימון הנהוגים באומנויות יפניות מסורתיות. הבטתי בו מתהלך כמו טווס בין התלמידים. תלמיד אחד ניגש אליו ושאל שאלה . המדריך הדגים, מבצע את הטכניקה בצורה מגושמת ונוקשה.

"הזהרתי אותך שהוא לא הטוב בעולם," לחש צחי שכנראה עקב אחרי מבטי.

"כרגע לא אכפת לי. מצידי שיהיה הגרוע בעולם. רק תן לי להתאמן. אני מת להרגיש את המזרן. שנתלבש?"

צחי הניע את ראשו לשלילה.

"קודם תן לי להחליף איתו כמה מילים. הוא בחור רגיש מאוד ועלול להעלב אם לא אציג אותך לפי כל כללי הטקס."

"מה שתגיד."

לקחתי את מקומי על הספסל. ישבתי זקוף, חזה רחב, מתרגש מהמעמד כאילו היה זה האימון הראשון בחיי. התבוננתי בצחי שנעמד לצד המדריך, מחכה בסבלנות עד שהלה סיים לשוחח עם חניך אחר לפני שפנה אליו בדברים. הם שוחחו בלחש וצחי הורה לכיווני. המדריך הרצין, מבטו חלף עליי ומיד חזר אל צחי. הם שוחחו עוד מספר שניות ואז קד צחי למדריך שצעד לעבר חדר ההלבשה. צחי סב על עקביו והחל פוסע בכיווני, עיניו נעוצות ברצפה. קפצתי לרגלי, חיוך משולהב מרוח על פרצופי, הלב מפזז בעליזות בתוך בית החזה.

צחי נעמד מולי והרים את ראשו.

"הכל בסדר?" שאלתי. הוא נאנח בכבדות.


"לא ממש," לחש כשמאחורי גבו, התלמידים מסתדרים בשורה ומתיישבים על הברכיים. עיניהם התמקדו בחזית הדוג'ו, בתמונתו של אואשיבה.

"אז ככה…" צחי התחיל להסביר אך מיד קטעתי אותו.

"ספר לי אחרי האימון," ביקשתי בקוצר רוח. "אם לא נמהר נפסיד את תחילת השעור."

"אין מה למהר. אנחנו נפספס אותו בכל מקרה."

"סליחה?" כיווצתי את גביני. "מה אמרת?"

"שנפספס אותו בכל מקרה. המורה ביקש שהיום רק תשב ותתבונן בשעור."

קפאתי על מקומי, הלב מפסיק לרקד, הפה פעור.

"אבל למה? מה עשיתי?" גמגמתי, רוטט מתחושות של תסכול ואכזבה תהומית. "עשיתי משהו? מה קורה פה, צחי? דבר איתי, בנאדם, למה אתה לא עונה לכל הרוחות?"

"ששש… על תרים את קולך," לחש. "נדבר על זה אחר כך."

"שום אחר כך. דבר על זה עכשיו. למה הוא אוסר עליי להתאמן?"

"די, גדי, מה זה משנה בכלל? הוא לא רוצה שתתאמן היום וזה מה שחשוב."

"אבל למה לא?"

"אחר כך."

"עכשיו! למה הוא מסרב שאתאמן?"

עוצמת קולי גרמה למספר ראשים להסתובב לעברנו במבטים נזעמים. צחי חייך אליהם בהתנצלות.

"אני מזהיר אותך, צחי, אם לא תענה, אני אתחיל לצרוח. למה לא?"

"כי הוא רוצה שתרגיש את האנרגיות בדוג'ו לפני שתצטרף לאימון," לחש בחדות. "עכשיו אתה מבסוט?"

בהיתי בו לרגע ממושך, הלב חוזר לפעום, הולם ברקותי כמו מחבט בייסבול, מזעזע את הגולגולת, השיניים מתחילות לחרוק.


"אנרגיות?" התנשפתי. "איזה אנרגיות במוח הרקוב שלו? אייקידו זה אייקידו."

"אתה צועק, גדי."

"אייקידו זה אייקידו!" קראתי כשאגרופי קמוצים ומונפים למרום, עיני רושפות כמו להביורים, קוראות תיגר על כל מי שהעז להביט בנו. ראשו של המדריך בצבץ מחדר ההלבשה ונחירי התרחבו כשל פר בזירה כשהתבייתתי עליו, גופי נדרך להסתערות, לריסוק פרצופו באגרופי, להוצאת כל המתח שהצטבר בקרבי כתוצאה מהשהיה בפונה ומהשימוש המופרז במילה אנרגיה

"אנרגיות שליליות," אמר המדריך והתזמון, כשל קומיקאי מדופלם, היכה בחמת זעמי כמו אגרוף בפרצוף. בפעם הרביעית תוך דקה השתנה מצב רוחי מהקצה אל הקצה – עובר משמחה לאכזבה, ממשיך אל הזעם ומקנח ב…

"אנרגיות שליליות," חזרתי על דבריו ולתדהמת הנוכחים פרצתי בצחוק רועם. קדתי אל הקהל ובחיוך רחב הסתובבתי על עקבי ושעטתי דרך הפתח, משאיר את צחי למלמל מספר מילים מתנצלות ואז לצאת בעקבותי.


"לאן אתה רץ מופרע שכמותך," קרא בעודי טס מהמקום.

"צריך לשחרר קצת אנרגיה!" צווחתי, דמעות צחוק חונקות את גרוני. "אני מלא באנרגיות שליליות."

 *

 כשהגעתי לביתה של אבהטי, פרצתי כרוח סערה אל החדר שהשכרנו והערתי את טסה. היא התיישבה על המזרן ובהתה בי בעודי מספר את שאירע בדוג'ו. כשסיימתי, חיכתי לתשובתה בקוצר רוח אבל היא רק פיהקה ולגמה מכוס המים שניצבה על השידה.

"אל האשראם אני כבר לא חוזר," הכרזתי בדרמטיות וטסה שפשפה את עיניה והביטה בי במבט מנומנם. "נו אז מה את אומרת?"

"מה אתה כבר רוצה שאגיד?" שאלה. "שזה היה צפוי? שאמרתי לך שאתה ופונה זה לא שידוך מוצלח?"

"זה הכל? אין לך משהו חיובי להוסיף? משהו שירומם את מצב הרוח?"

היא שקעה במחשבות לשניה ואז אורו פניה.

"יש לי," קראה בחיוך. "אתה חייב לי מאתיים רופי."

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הפרק הקודם  הפרק הבא

 

 

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