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תקציר הפרק הקודם: גדי וטסה עושים סיבוב באשראם ולומדים שהשרותים בפונה נגועים בנגיפי איידס תוקפניים במיוחד

 

 

למרות הסתייגותנו מפונה החלטנו להישאר ליום או יומיים. לנפוש, להשתעשע מהטרוף הבין לאומי ואולי, מי יודע, למצוא גם מורים למוסיקה וציור. המשימה הראשונה שעמדה בפנינו היתה למצוא מקום למגורים. עצרתי את אחד החסידים שהילכו ברחוב לתחקור קצר.

"תנסו במאפיה הגרמנית," ענה, איך לא, בעברית. "יש שם לוח מודעות. שם תמצאו את מה שאתם מבקשים."

בעודנו צועדים לכיוון המאפיה סיכמנו את כל שלמדנו על פונה עד כה.

"מדיטציה לא עושים מתחת למפל," אמרה טסה.

"אלא אם כן המים חמים ובמקום סלע יש כורסא," הוספתי.

"אנשים פה משתחררים מהשקפת חייהם הקודמת."

"ומיד רוכשים השקפה חדשה במקומה."

"והם מלאי אנרגיות כרימון."

"אנרגיות חיוביות ומשוללות נגיפי איידס," הצהרתי.

"כל עוד מתרחקים משרותי המבקרים הנגועים."

"ויש פה הרבה גברים ישראלים."

"והמון בחורות גרמניות," אמרה ולפתע רעיון הבליח במוחי.

"יש לי הארה!" קראתי וטסה נעמדה במקומה.

"כן?" שאלה בחשש.

"גרמניות ויהודים, איך לא חשבתי על זה קודם. כנראה שלמקום יש באמת אנרגיות מיוחדות."

חייכתי והנהנתי אבל היא לא נדבקה באווירת השעשוע שאחזה בי.

"כדאי שתסביר את עצמך ומהר," אמרה. "אתה מתחיל להדאיג אותי."

"תחשבי על זה," הסברתי. "גרמניות ויהודים, בנות מהגזע הארי וגברים מהגזע השמי, הגזע שנרדף ונרצח על ידי אבותיהן של הבנות."

"אז?"

"אז תוסיפי לזה את בדיקות האיידס ועם קצת דמיון תמצאי שבוודאי יש פה אלמנט של זיכוך דו צדדי בין נרדף לרודף."

טסה פרצה בצחוק.

"זאת ההארה שלך?"

"כמובן! גברים יהודיים ונשים גרמניות. מה יותר מושלם מסידור שכזה? הקורבן שוכב עם בנותיהן של הצורר, אולי אף מכניס אותן להריון."

"ואיך זה מזכך את הנפשות הפועלות?"

"הגרמניות מתנצלות, היהודים נוקמים וכולם מאושרים! נו מה את חושבת על זה? סוג של הארה או לא?"

"אין לך מושג כמה שאתה נשמע מטומטם," נאנחה והמשיכה בדרכה.

על לוח המודעות שבמאפיה מצאנו מספר אפשרויות מעניינות למגורים. שני ישראלים שנעמדו לצידנו המליצו על כל המקומות חוץ מאחד.

"החדרים נחמדים אבל בעלת הבית היא אשה מתוסכלת השונאת את כל באי האשראם. תתרחקו ממנה כמו מאש הגיהנום."

"תודה חברים," אמרתי והשניים חייכו והתרחקו ברשרוש חלוקים, מוצאים את מקומם לצידן של זוג בלונדיניות. הם אחזו ידיים עם הבנות, הזימה הניבטת מעיניהם מרמזת על תהליך הזיכוך הקרוב.

"אז מה את אומרת?" שאלתי וטסה הצביעה על המודעה של הגברת המתוסכלת.

"אני בטוחה שתהיה לנו שפה משותפת איתה," חייכה אליי. "וגם מקום בו נוכל להתלונן ולדבר בחופשיות מבלי לחשוש שאיזה מואר יעלב."

"מושלם."

ביתה של הגברת נמצא כחמש דקות הליכה במורד הרחוב מהמאפיה, רחוק מספיק בכדי לא לשמוע את צהלתם ובכיים של המאמינים אך מספיק קרוב בשביל ללכת ולצפות בטירופם במידה ונשתעמם בין קירות החדר המושכר.

"איך נראה לך?" שאלתי כשעמדנו לפתחו של בית שעמד חוסה בצילו של עץ ססאם ענק. היה זה מבנה דהוי וחד קומתי שישב במרכזה של חומה גבוהה. לכל החלונות היו סורגי מתכת עבים ודלת הכניסה היתה מפלדה רחבה ומשובצת מנעולים. "קצת פרנואידי, לא? "

"אבל גם חדש, נקי, ושקט. אני חושבת שיהיה בסדר."

לפני שהספקנו להקיש בדלת היא נפתחה במשיכה עזה מבפנים. אשה נמוכת קומה ורחבת גרם עמדה בפתח ובידה מחבת. היא אחזה בה בתנוחה מאיימת מעל לראשה בעוד היא בוחנת אותנו בעיניים מצומצמות מתוך מסגרת של שיער שחור ופרוע. צלקת אדומה ועבה חצתה את פניה מעין ימין ועד לצד שפתיה, משווים לה מראה נורא במיוחד.

"מי שלח אתכם?" הרימה קולה בצווחה צורמנית. קפאנו על מקומנו למרות שצו ההגיון הורה לנו לסוב על עקבינו ולברוח בשעטה.

"אני מחכה לתשובה," אמרה בחוסר סבלנות, גוון פניה מאדים.

"כנראה שטעינו בכתובת," הצלחתי לפלוט. "חיפשנו את החדר להשכרה."

"אה," הנהנה והמשיכה למדוד אותנו עוד מספר שניות. היא הורידה את המחבת לעמדה קצת פחות מאיימת. "רוצים חדר? למה לא אמרתם קודם? הגעתם למקום הנכון."

"יש חדר?"

"יש כסף?"

"יש כסף," הבטחתי.

"אז תכנסו."

היא נשארה חמורת סבר כשעברנו בפתח למרות שזיהיתי התרככות קלה בקווי המתאר הנוקשים של פניה.

"אבהטי," הציגה עצמה, נעלה את הדלת והובילה אותנו דרך מסדרון צר ומצוחצח. היא החוותה אל דלת שניצבה לימין, פותחת אותה ומציגה בפנינו מטבח ששימש גם כחדר אוכל והיה נקי, מסודר ומאובזר למופת.

היא המשיכה עוד מספר צעדים ופתחה את הדלת הראשונה משמאל – השירותים.

"אסלה חדשה," אמרה בחמיצות, "ויש גם נייר טואלט."

הנהנו בהערכה והיא המשיכה ופתחה את הדלת השניה משמאל, חדר מקלחת שהיה קטן אך נקי ומסודר. לבסוף היא נעצרה מול דלת מתכת שניצבה בקצה המסדרון.

"דלת טובה נגד גנבים," אמרה ונקשה עליה בחזקה, מפיקה צליל עמום במיוחד.

"נגד אלו שיצליחו לעבור דרך השער הראשי," הערתי והיא נעצה בי מבט נוקב, צבעה של הצלקת שעל פניה מעמיק. הבחנתי כי אצבעותיה מתהדקות על ידית המחבת והשפלתי מבט. היא רטנה לעצמה ופתחה את הדלת.

היה זה חדר צנוע בגודלו ובריהוטו אך בהחלט מספק לכל צרכינו. היו בו מאוורר תקרה ומיטה זוגית נמוכה עם מזרן חדש, שלוש כונניות, ארון, שולחן קטן, טלויזיה, מכשיר וידיאו-טייפ וקלטות.

"נראה מושלם," אמרה טסה וגם אני הנהנתי בחיוב. חייכנו אל הגברת והיא צמצמה את עיניה.

"חברים באשראם?" שאלה בחדות. החיוך נשר מפנינו.

"לא."

"מתכוונים להיות?"

הססתי לענות והבטתי בטסה שעמדה בפתח החדר והעבירה את עיניה לסרוגין ביני ובין דלת היציאה מהמבנה, כמודדת את נתיב הבריחה שלנו. שתקנו ונראה שהשתיקה רק תרמה לחיזוק חששותיה של המארחת שלנו.

"מתכוונים להיות?" חזרה על השאלה, המחבת שוב מתרוממת אל התקרה

"ממש לא," עניתי במהירות. "הספיק לנו הסיור המודרך במקום."

היא לא נראתה משוכנעת בעליל.

"אז מה אתם עושים פה?" שאלה.

"למה את מתכוונת?"

"אם אתם לא חברים באשראם או לא מתכוונים להיות, אז מה לכל הרוחות אתם עושים בפונה?"

"הגענו בטעות," התוודתי. "רצינו ללמוד תיפוף וציור, חיפשנו אשראם אבל כפי שזה נראה כרגע, הגענו למקום הלא נכון."

"תיפוף וציור," אמרה וחיוך החל לדגדג את זוויות פיה ועיניה. "אתם באמת לא במקום הנכון. בשביל מה אתם נשארים?"

"לנוח ליום או יומיים לפני שנמשיך. היתה לנו דרך ארוכה."

"יום או יומיים?"

"אלא אם כן נמצא מורים לציור ותיפוף," הזדרזתי להוסיף.

"ובלי שום כוונה להפוך לחסידי האשראם."

"שום כוונה," אוששתי את דבריה ומילותי כמו הרגיעו את סערת רגשותיה.

"רוצים את החדר?" שאלה בחדות וטסה הנהנה בחיוב.

"בעקרון כן," אמרתי. "אבל זה תלוי בעלויות."

ציפינו למחיר מופקע ותנאים לא גמישים אבל להפתעתנו, אבהטי נקבה במחיר שהיה זול מעלות של קפה ועוגה במאפיה הגרמנית. היא גם השכירה את החדר על בסיס יומי ולא חודשי – ההפך מהנהוג ברוב חדרי ההשכרה שבפונה. ללא היסוס שילמנו לה ליומיים.

"מצויין," אמרה וחיוך ידידותי התפשט על פניה. "רוצים תה?"

טסה משכה בכתפיה.

"למה לא."

אבהטי הובילה אותנו למטבח, הניחה מחבת על השיש ולקחה את מקומה מול הכיריים.

"שבו שם," הצביעה על כסאות העץ שניצבו בסמוך לשולחן האוכל הרחב. התישבנו בכבדות, עייפים, מפהקים תכופות, בוהים ללא אומר באבהטי שהרתיחה מים בסיר מוכסף. היא הטיחה לתוכו שלל עשבים ובחשה את הבלילה בתרבד עץ ארוך, מניעה אותו בכבדות ובאיטיות בעוד היא מזמזמת לעצמה נעימה רכה. במהרה אדים הסתלסלו מהסיר אל התקרה, מפזרים ניחוחות משכרים וממסכים את פניה של אבהטי, משווים לה מראה כשל מכשפה אגדתית. אבהטי סיימה את מלאכת החליטה, יצקה תה לשלושה ספלים, הניחה אותם על מגש והתקרבה לשולחן. היא הגישה לנו את הספלים והתיישבה לצידנו.


"אז איך אתם מתרשמים מפונה?" שאלה.

"ראינו רק את אזור האשראם," ענתה טסה. "ומה שראינו קצת הוציא לנו את הרצון להמשיך ולהסתובב."

"חבל," נאנחה אבהטי. "בעבר פונה היתה עיירה נחמדה ושקטה בעלת אנרגיות עוצמתיות ומופלאות. לצערי, הזרים ואנשי העסקים שהגיעו בשנים האחרונות הרסו את האזור והעכירו את האווירה המבורכת. המחירים הפכו מופקעים, האירופאים שולטים ומנהלים את המקום. לא יודעת אם שמתם לב אבל אין כמעט מקומיים באזור האשראם."

תחושת נוסטלגיה השתלטה על אבהטי, הבעת געגועים כובשת את פניה, עיניה בוהות בנקודה לא ברורה על הקיר. בחנתי אותה בחשש, מודאג ומופתע מהעובדה שהשתמשה במילה 'אנרגיות' בכדי לתאר את פונה הישנה, חוכך בדעתי שמא גם היא נגועה במשב הרוחניות ההיסטרית שהתפשטה בכל אזור האשראם כמו המגיפה השחורה. היתה רק דרך אחת לבדוק את הדברים לאשורם.

"אני מניח שהכל היה נחמד עד שאושו ומאמיניו הגיעו ושיבשו את האנרגיות," הערתי ואבהטי הניעה ראשה לשלילה.

"אושו היה הדבר הטוב ביותר שקרה לפונה," אמרה. "הדברים השתבשו רק לאחר מותו."

"את הכרת את אושו?"

"כמובן!" זקפה סנטר בגאווה. "הכרתי, ידעתי וחייתי לצידו. אושו היה הגורו, האהוב והמאהב שלי במשך שנים ארוכות. אושו הוא הסיבה שאני בפונה. אושו הוא הסיבה והיעוד שלי בגלגול החיים הנוכחי."

 *

המשכנו לשבת במטבח, שותים תה ומקשיבים בעוד אבהטי שוטחת בפנינו את סיפורה האישי. מסתבר שהיתה מחסידותיו הראשונות של אושו כשפתח את המרכז בפונה בשנות השבעים.

"פגשתי את אושו לראשונה במומביי כשהייתי סטודנטית צעירה לפילוסופיה. אושו הוזמן להרצות באונברסיטה בה למדתי וכה הושפעתי מאישיותו הכובשת ומעומק דבריו שכבר למחרת זנחתי לימודי והפכתי לאחת מחניכותיו."

אבהטי עזבה את מומביי במחיצתו של אושו וקהל מאמיניו. יחדיו הם עברו לפונה ויסדו את האשראם, מקום פשוט וצנוע באותה תקופה.

"היה זה לפני שהאירופאים שמעו על אושו או על פונה. היתה זו התקופה המאושרת בחיי."

אבהטי סיפרה על קרבתה לאושו וכל אימת שהזכירה את שמו, תווי פנים התרככו והפכו נעימים למראה למרות הצלקת הנוראה. אבהטי היתה בודאי יפיפיה אמיתית כשהיתה צעירה. היו לה רק דברים טובים לומר על אושו ועל הדרך בה לימד ונאמנותה למאסטר היתה מוחלטת. היא נשארה בפונה גם כשעזב לטובת הקמת מרכז חדש בארה"ב.

"אושו ביקש שנמשיך לטפל ולקיים את האשראם ולמצוותו נשארתי עם קומץ של חסידיו המקוריים. המשכנו להפעיל את האשראם, מפארים, מכלכלים ומשמרים את הקיים."

"וכך נשארתם ללא מאסטר במשך מספר שנים?"

"אושו המשיך להיות המאסטר גם כשהתגורר בארה"ב והוא נהג לבוא ולבקר במרכז לפחות אחת לשנה. שמרנו על המקום באדיקות וכשאושו עזב את אמריקה וחזר לפונה, האשראם חיכה לו מוכן ומזומן."

"הוא באמת היה חולה כששב מאמריקה?" עצרתי את שטף דיבורה, סקרן לשמוע את דעתה בנוגע לתאוריית הקונספירציה.

"הוא חזר שבור וחולה, המסכן," אמרה ודמעות ניקוו בעיניה.

"סיבוכים של מחלת הסכרת?"

"הרעלה."

'עוד אחת', חשבתי אבל שמרתי על הבעה מאופקת בעוד היא מסבירה באריכות על רצונו הנסתר של הממסד האמריקאי לפגוע באושו, על איך שההאשמות שהטיחו בו לפני גירושו מאמריקה היו מופרכות ברוב המקרים ומוגזמות בשאר.

"הם אמרו שהוא ניצל את העם והמערכת האמריקאית לצרכיו הלא כשרים. שהוא נכנס במסווה של חולה סכרת הזקוק לטיפולים מיוחדים בעוד שבפועל, מטרתו היתה לבסס מרכז רוחני ולעשוק את מאמיניו."

היא לקחה אתנחתא דרמטית, בוחנת אותנו, נחיריה רוטטים.

"והאמת?" שאלה טסה.

"שאושו באמת נזקק לטיפולים מיוחדים," הצהירה כאילו הינו קטגורים במשפט. "שהמרכז הרוחני נטווה סביבו מתוקף היותו שם ולא בגלל חמדנות. מי שלא הכיר את אושו לא יוכל להבין עד כמה היתה אישיותו מיוחדת, כובשת וזורחת למרחקים."

"ועשרות הרולס-רויסים?" פלטתי אבל היא לא מצמצה, עונה במהירות ובנחישות כיאה לאדם המאומן להשיב על כל בקורת.

"עשרות רולס-רויסים הן הוכחה ניצחת שהאשם היחידי באושו היא תמימותו הילדותית."

"אבדת אותי," הודתי והיא נשפה בחזקה לפני שענתה.

"אם אושו היה אדם חמדן הוא היה מוכר את הרכבים," הסבירה. "רושם אותם ברשויות המס או לפחות עושה משהו שיבטיח שהכספים יגיעו אליו. אושו לא עשה דבר מכל אלה, אפילו לא נסע ברובם, עד כדי כך הוא לא התעניין בעולם החומר."

רציתי ללחוץ על הנקודה, לשאול מדוע, לדוגמא, אושו לא מכר את הרכבים ותרם את הכסף לנזקקים? הרי חמלה אמורה להיות חשובה לא פחות מחוסר חמדנות אצל הנאורים.

אבל לפני שיכולתי לתקוף, אבהטי שינתה נושא ועברה לספר על התקופה בה אושו חזר לבסוף לפונה.

"למרות מחלתו הוא לא איבד את האנרגיות הנדירות שלו. תוך תקופה קצרה המקום גדל והתעצם וחסידים נהרו מכל קצות תבל בכדי לשהות במחיצתו של אושו. המאמינים טיפחו את האשראם, למדו, לימדו, חיו בפונה והשקיעו כמויות אדירות של כסף כדי שאושו יחיה בנינוחות ובאושר."

תעלות הזכוכית שריחפו מעל הגן הפנימי של האשראם עלו במוחי. אכן החסידים השתדלו עד מאוד לרצות את המאסטר.

"ואת היית לצידו כל אותה תקופה?" שאלה טסה.

"כאילו הינו בעל ואשה. אני הייתי מחברי המעגל הפנימי של אושו, איתו מההתחלה ועד סוף הדרך – אשת סודו. עזבתי רק במותו."

היא השתתקה והצטמררה, קודרת כאילו עננה חלפה מעל ראשה. חיכינו בסבלנות, לוגמים מהתה ומביטים בה בריכוז. אבל היא לא הוסיפה דבר, בוהה בקיר הלבן, עיניה מצטעפות.

"אני מבין שמותו של אושו היה טראומטי בשבילך," אמרתי, מנסה לשבור את האוירה הקשה. היא הביטה בי בחטף, עיניה אדומות אך על שפתיה חיוך קטן.

"מותו של אושו היה בהחלט עצוב," אמרה, "אך היה זה גם רגע של התעלות רוחנית יוצאת מגדר הרגיל – חוויה עוצמתית, מסעירה, חושנית ואלוהית. תבינו – אושו, בחייו כמו במותו, היה אדם מדהים."

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